There is no denying that this working mum juggle is hard. I have been in my new role for three months now and still haven’t found my groove. Work is going well and I am starting to enjoy it more and more. At home though, I feel like I am continually dropping the ball.
My kids are happy and healthy – there is no doubt about that. They are loved, given many opportunities such as birthday parties, sleep overs, travel and get spoilt. But sometimes along the way I still feel that I am not enough.
Now when you really assess things this is such a first world problem that it is stupid entertaining it. But not making the kids birthday cakes for the first time in their short years makes me feel bad. Missing the Ballet ticket email and not being able to get tickets to see my daughter perform makes me feel bad (who knew 4-year-old dance concerts sell out quicker than Beyoncé). Totally forgetting the day my son had his school excursion (thank god dad remembered). These little things that I would usually be totally across are getting missed.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t call my husband the other day, crying over what a bad mum I am.
But after my teary call I realised that all those things really don’t matter. The reason I missed purchasing the ballet tickets as soon as they went on sale was due to my kids wanting to snuggle with me at night when they went to bed. The reason that cakes are not made from scratch is because mums taxi is busy running them around to all their sports, friends parties and medical appointments ensuring that they are loved by friends, exercise outside and have healthy teeth.
As mums we have a lot going on and for that reason our mental game needs to be strong. For a lot of the time it isn’t, but we need to keep practicing, we need to keep ourselves going and stay focussed. Because let’s just be real – there are so many kids out there that simply don’t even have love. They don’t have warm arms to cuddle into, they don’t have friends, family or any of the things we all take for granted and stress over.
So tonight I am going to take a chill pill with a glass of wine and harden the fuck up. Life was meant for snuggles, not things like unicorn cakes or 4 year old dance concerts!