Career, Family, Kids, Lifestyle, marriage, Maternity Leave, Mum Guilt, Parenting

Where is my identity?

So often when starting a family, your own identity gets a little lost.  I know, it happened to me.

At one point, you were busy and enjoying your job and growing your career.  Your life often consisted of casual dinners either eating out or made with love over a bottle of wine.  You could relax and your time was your own.  You identity and what you valued was entirely up to you and your choice alone.  You had personal growth, could have a healthy social life, and somewhat felt mostly well put together.

But once you have a baby the lines can get blurred a little bit.

Once baby arrives most people are asking about the baby.  How it is sleeping, eating, growing.  Your life is consumed by appointments – which your try and schedule in between feeding or sleeping times.  Your time is no longer your own.  You are responsible for another human life – quite amazing isn’t it?  But yet you are pulled from pillar to post doing everything for everyone else.  The person you once were is no longer there.  In the quiet times that are few and far between, you are somewhat lost.  What is it that I enjoyed doing? Who am I?

Whilst the love and commitment you feel towards your children and your family is never up for debate – there is a lingering thought, What about me? What about my life, my journey and my path.  Do I just stop walking my path now and continue walking with everyone else on their own path until slowly I age out and I am left without a path to walk on entirely?

This can happen.  Quite often mothers give their all to their families and that once the kids are adults and living their own life independently, mum is often lost.  I know many mothers who continue the path with their children until they are adults.  Continuing until there is no more path for them and no understanding on how to get back onto their path they lost track of 20 years before.

But it isn’t all doom and gloom.

All mums experience a dust cloud affect once a baby arrives.  Where the kids are all consuming, and there is often nothing left for yourself.  This happens to everyone – no matter what supports you have established around you.

However at some point the dust clears.  For me it was when my youngest was around 4 years of age.  I knew she was our last, school was on the horizon and she and her older brother were increasing their independence every day.  They still very much need their mother, but the days appear to have a little more time in them for me.  For me to read, cook, sleep, exercise and look after myself.  And whilst I am still very much on the path with my kids, guiding them and helping them find their way. My own path is right beside me, which I hop onto occasionally and keep building to ensure that I never run out of direction, I never run out of options, and that I continue to grow as an individual as well as a mum.

Don’t get lost in the dust cloud.  You will emerge and you will find your way.  But while you are in the dust, enjoy the kids – they are not with you for long.





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